okays okays.

i miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
and it's 2am and i'm cursing your name
you're so in love that you act insane
thats the way i loved you.Taylor Swift - The way i loved you.

hehe. anywayss..... this is the new link for my new BLOG!!!

joycefongnitieng.blogspot.com

its my full name. dont comment about it. i'll bite you. i mean it. hehe

excel and mock trials finallyyyyy OVVVERRRRRRRRRRR!!! WOOHOOOOOO!

couldnt wait for it to end. i thought it never was going to. ahhahhah.

anyways, to find out more head on over to the blog link above!

see ya lovelies,
joyce

hey heys.

PEOPLE OF THE WORLDDDDDDD!!!!!

was that loud enough? did i get your attention? yes? good? thank you.

anyways, i'm gonna set up a new blog because now my blog name is just sooooo lame.

so okay. will post up the link later. see ya peeps!

loving you, for no one to know,
joyce

I wanna I wanna I wanna touch you

haha. you're probablying going ~yikes~ at the title. its a song by all american rejects. its nice. i like ~natural disaster~ by the plain white T's too.

this week has been hectic. study study study. exam exam. more papers. more masks. more tissues. more haze. terrible weather we have.

i'm so happy. i'm so happy. and only some people will know. gosh. hehe. i cant believe it. lol. hahahhahaha.

anyways, my teachers are extra paranoid now that my school has two confirmed H1N1 patients and yet my school isnt closing. how perfectly wonderful. we should sue him if it touches any of my friends.

i think i'm really gonna pick up learning the guitar after PMR. i know lotsa people say that. but i really want to. when i see people play the guitar, i feel so inspired and jealous. i wanna play too. ahhahahaha.

anyways, gtg. busy week.

got mich's bday and youth. me, max and jamie made a vid for this weeks announcements. was tiring man. hahha. all of ya'll who come to my church please be there on the 8th of August! THE VID IS AWESOME!

haha, hehe, sigh,
Joyce

Good girls go baadddd.

I'm currently in LURVE with the song by cobra starship with leighton meester.
not only is she pretty, she's also multi talented. argh.

went to church. i think it really calms me down and makes me happy. church i mean.

hmm. exam exam, please go away, cant you come back another day?

you know how in school madeline foo always says i smell like flowers? you wouldn't believe it mad. someone said i smelled like hong kong feet. i was like WTF? but i dont get angry over petty issues like that so i just gave her a shrug and walked away.

did a facebook quiz. Which Bitch Are You? the answer.

ALPHA BITCH: You are an Alpha bitch. You are dominating and controlling, but your man or friends can't say anything to that because you are so good at everything. You are pretty, smart, funny, social... your boys are lining up for you despite the way you treat them.

i dont treat people that way. or wait. no i dont! i dont dominate and control. if you think otherwise, comment. here or facebook. up to ya'll.

gosh. i miss him like mad. today, i saw this car that looked like his pass by my house. i actually stood up and smiled to myself. this infatuation and admiring is starting to take a toll on me. i mean. i keep expecting something when deep down i know there will be nothing there. i dunno whats wrong with me. i know he'll never be mine. so why do i still bother? argh.

michy's bday coming! hehe. got her gift ady. but still need to go shopping with her. hahaha! after i told her there was sale at charles and keith, she was itching to go! she's like a rebbeca bloomwood malaysian version. if you dont understand, rebbeca bloomwood is the main character of confessions of a shopaholic. i need to get new stuff too. like shoes and a jacket. preferably ballet flats and a grey jacket. hmm. turning girly. aiks. hope i dont turn into one of those high pitched squealing creatures. hahahaha.

i wanna go to kl la!!!!!!! I WANT TO SEE MY GRANDMOTHER! I DO THINK STUDIES COME FIRST WHAT ABOUT FAMILY??? DOESN'T THAT COME FIRST? ARGH.

i think i'm slightly scrambled up now. its like. just when i thought my life was totally under control, it spiraled right out and slapped me across my face.

hurting and in pain,
joyce

new dude.

have you guys heard of the song : hey stephen by taylor swift?

haha. it s's a really nice song.

it'd be cool if ce mich sang it to him. hahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahha.

inside joke. DONT ASK ANYONE BOUT IT!

he's just some really cool dude from church who's been really nice to my family especially now with everything going on.

he's a good counselor. he's really good at making you spill your beans somehow. i think its the hair. defo the hair. its well. middle parting but not quite in the middle. you know? nah, i betcha dont. its really unique. hahahahah.

i think he's a really nice guy. i mean. yeah. he's a good guy. that's it. the funniest thing bout him is he's got this aura of peculiarness. as in. he's weird but he's not irritatingly weird. in fact its the weird that makes you giggle. and makes you go ohhhhhhhhhhh okay. ahahha. but he knows alot of stuff so its really easy to talk to him.

we had to resolve an issue before i realized that about him. and he's really hard to ignore since everyone's nice to him and he's nice to everyone.

and he's very evasive. when he doesnt want to answer that question, and there's a drink in front of him, he's bound to pick it up and drink. but i like that he's honest. honest people are hard to find.

i think he's good for her. i hope my sister picks him over the other dude. she better or she's blind.

oh and FYI, i dont like stephen. i like. another guy. tee hee.

loving the skips of freedom,
joyce

Catch me if you can...........

have been having quite a number of bad days. family matters intruding my every brain cell.

sorry if i havent been around. been pretty busy and away.

sorry if i caused any amount of trouble for ya'll.

been pretty insulting due to my bad moods. sorry stephen!

hmm. i miss him alot and there's nothing i can do. haha. cliche i know.

I love you grandma! YOU'RE THE BEST GMA IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!


loving, praising, missing, crying and apologising,
joyce

sometimes, i feel stupid when i talk to you.

sometimes, when you call me and talk to me, i feel comforted by your voice but when we talk, i feel really stupid compared to you. you.re smart and everything that i'm not.

anyways, i've not been in school for two days. kinda miss it. hehe. a lil. sick. cramps. darn. anyway, been studying alot. my brain's getting sore. ahahah. if thats even possible.

had dinner with bien and nikki the other night at Nok Thai. Great food. loved it. Dad was telling us loads of stories bout the olden days when he was young and adventurous. well, he isnt young now but he aint old but the same old adventure runs through him.

izzat made a funny video bout PMR. you guys can view it on his facebook profile. its hilarious. audio effects are awesome. ahahah.

still missing you and you dont even know.

haha. i did all these stupid quizzes in class and four came out lawyer and three came out doctor. my friends were all very consistent. always either teacher or artist or the others repeatedly again. i was once of those people who had several choices. aiks.

confused, crazy about you, stupidly studying
joyce

i know its been awhile.

hey heys. sorry for not updating. its been a while since i got to use the comp without disturbance.

so...... these few weeks have been hectic. studying, school, friends, church, family. all cramped up in 24 hours is not an easy task. but i do thank God for giving me the opportunity to get by my days with strength and focus.

teachers have this tendency of giving me tasks to do which can easily be accomplished by themselves. just cause their older. pffsssssss.

anyways, church has been awesome. i love going to youth. although i dont go to abundant life on sunday. hehe. sorryyyy. i've been learning alot of things about Him and myself. It's amazing what you can achieve when you work with people which have the same goal as you.

TO ALL WOMEN. PLEASE DO BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU ARE IN THE CAR PARK LOT ALONE OR WHEN YOU ARE ALONE ON THE STREETS. DO LOOK OUT AND BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS.

oh oh oh! Are you guys freee on the 15th of August? Please come for my school MUSIC FESTVIAL!!! the entry fee is RM10 only! its starts at ten and ends at noon! please come to enjoy great music and great company! i'll be selling food and drinks! For tickets, you can find me! at school, 3AM1!
or church, eklektos youth saturdays 7.30-10.30!
hehe.

anyways, gtg study now!

tata for now!
joyce

randomness..

I brought my camera to church last sat. started taking random pics with everyone. well i missed a few people like apple, oscar, edrea, yvonne, and some others.

posted them on facebook. i think i look weird. dunno la.

hmm. maybe change is good. what do you think?

hint hint. it involves my hair and a country change.

loving you without you knowing,
joyce

listening to an angel's voice.

listening to lia's voice while typing this. she has a really nice voice. hmm. makes me wanna learn the guitar even more.

hey monday candles.

her songs. handwritten. memory filled. heartfelt songs.

love. its contagious and heartwrenching.

yet we all go looking for it.

weird.

missing him since didnt see him last week.

argh.
joyce

oopsies! hehe!

sorry! have been going around crazy with homework and projects and teachers extra favours that i've been negleccting my blog. hehe.

okay. so here's what i've been up to.

hmm. lets see. the 2nd week of hols i had class. so it was kinda sad but fun. we all sat in our preferred groups and made as much fun outta the new teachers and laughed loudly with not a care for them. hehe. i know it sounds mean but when you do it, you'll know how much fun and joy it brings. haha! found out my long time friend likes me which made go all WHAT??? SERIOUS????. haha. if you know me then you know la what my face looked like. so yeah. turns out everytime he claims he wants to borrow my pens or whatever is just so he can see me. now i'm like erm..... what should i do????. and then the one of the day in extra class he got put beside me in class for like an hour and i well.... kinda ignored him entirely. people claim he tried talking to me but i seriously did not hear a squeak outta him. i'm speaking the truth! i wasnt being mean i just didnt hear him!

i went to youth on saturday. 13th of june. Vincent Lai. my cousin. i think. hehe. relative la! haha. He gave a sermon. He talked about having long term and stable relationships. not the dating relationships but friendships that last. it was both interesting and funny. he kept asking whether we were okay, and everytime he did, all of us just said yes! and giggled. he was blushing constantly! hahaha!

IU DAY! haha! it was fun. although the heat was almost unbearable, it was just something on the side. the atmosphere was totally filled with laughter and joy! the performances were okay la! hahaha! although there were some eyecandy! hahahah! i think both boys and girls were like on check-that-out mode. was quite happy. meeting new people and stuff like that. i like meeting new people! ahhaha! although alotta people call me shy at times. hehe. i admit. sometimes. hehe.

hmm. oh yeah. my dad's 50th bday party! am so proud of him. i think the older generation can really throw awesome parties! not that their old. i mean. i think its because their all the same par that they mix so well and their inner child comes out and i've gotta say this, i really prefer the older generation parties than my own age. i think its because their all comfortable in their own skin, they all can sing really well, and they know all the right moves on the dance floor! i was like wow! aunty juliet can shake her hips like shakira! she's sixty! hahahaha! and uncle walter nair, uncle tony and uncle ganesh can really sing! they belted out tunes that were almost like the originals bands way back when i listened to the casettes! the songs may have been oldies but i loved the songs! there was this auntie from hijauan bengkoka corp. that my dad knew way back when they were kids and she sang this super-flirty happy birthday song! the lyrics were like: i know i'm not your girl anymore but i do wish you a very very happy birthday! my mom was like laughing soooo hard. i didnt know whether she was doing sarcasm or she was being territorial! hahaha! me, nikki and sister char sang a few songs too! ahhaa! my dad's party was a hit! his friends were asking for another party the day after! hahaha! something bout karaoke, the dance floor and a bar makes everyone happy and high! hahahahha!

so now, everyone's back to normal school mode and its all studies now. hmm.

i was reading chicken soup for the soul teenage IV. read a poem. and it felt like my situation right there and then. may post in up.

i'm missing my grandparents. i really wanna go back to kl and see them.

Saturday 20th June. woke up at 7. went to school at 8 till 12. then went to tuition 3-5. came home to shower and change for youth. had a blast. i love going to church and praising the Lord. Met Edrea's eldest brother Evan. their all giants. haha. tall.

thats all for now. might post some pics in facebook. later.

i'd never go against the wind,
joyce

A picture tells a thousand words.

the place. the sunset. the picture. so i guess there's two thousand words. hehe.

my first two days of freedom trip

I woke up on friday 29th of May. My dad woke me up at around 8.30. got packing.

The only way to explain where i was going to you people is this. Sabah has two horns one called kudat and the other called pitas. i went to pitas. thats where my dad works. the ride is about four and a half hours.

i love going on road trips. you get to see how the terrain of the land changes from smooth roads of the city to slightly bumpy countryside to the holes and bumps of the jungle. i love the four wheel drive experieces i get with my dad. its awesome! haha! it should have been raining cause thats when the real fun starts but this time the land was dry as a bone!

so anyway, arrived there to find workers just staring at you and when you look at them they just stare back. way freaky. so then, me, my dad and sister share a room. and there was uncle tony and uncle ah leong. the three big bosses. or rather. the three musketeers. haha. you want the math equation? Two neat freaks and one crazy messy person. you get three good and mad scientist/cooks. haha!

we went for this boat ride which i was freaked out about. when you sit in the boat, and if you stick you hand out of the boat, the water is just inches away. i was like OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! but my sister was like so cool about. i was like when did we switch roles?

the funniest part was half way against the current going out to sea, the boat man suddenly slowed down and my heart went from normal to racing again, the boat man said in malay: oi you hunter in front, you damn heavy la, you're sinking the boat!

I WAS LIKE OH SHIATSU MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! both me and my sister were wide eyed and start giggling. and then we sent the hunters off to the jungle. and according to my dad, less than a minute after we dropped them. they shot a wild boar.that part will come later. so me and my sister tried to take a pic of the boat man but he kept looking away and due to that fact the boat also followed him and kept bending towards the wrong way. so we stopped to save ourselves. haha. we saw the most beautiful sights ever. i mean. i finally understand why my dad and uncle tony were so immensely in love with this place. the swamps are so beautiful. definitely picturesque. lush green trees, cool calm waters. was mesmerized.

the boat guy probably wasnt any older than i was. haha. but he's a pro man. his father is the village crab man. he's also my dad's personal boat man. haha. i guess being a boat man runs in their blood. he got us some crabs. i learnt how to kill em. hehe. there was this one crab who was HUGE? spreading his claws apart and their as big and long as my shoulders. i was like woah..... and he was mean. he crushed another crab's claw to pieces. pieces. and snapped it off while the poor guy was alive. and one crab was smart enough to jumpship while we were killig his friends. we had venison steak for dinner. we got the venison from kepala besi from kota marudu. his nick name is kepala besi or tit tau ahah. he's like the big brother of kota marudu. hehe. it was super nice.

at nine thirty or so, the wild boar they shot finally arrived. and my dad was like complaining why they took so long. it was cause they had to build a rakit to get it over. the boar was a size of a cow. okay. for those of you who have a fortuner or a frontier or any working car. the length of your car is the length of the boar. huge. and four workers were carrying it like they were carrying a car. even the car was slow because of the boar. haha.

so the next morning, we saw the boat race. two categories only for he harvest festival. 15cc small boats and 5cc small boats. i know these may seem like peas. but it was something different. i mean you bring a city kid, like a total city kid into the jungle and he'd probably wouldn't survive like us. my boat driver won and the names of their boats were so cool: there were spiderman, levi's, loudness, rising sun, bumblebee, primas, bmw, and so many more. and you know what i love about villagers and workers. they may not know you but they'll smile and talk to you. city people are so much more different thatn them. i really enjoyed the trip.

a few hours later, we packed and were ready to leave. and i felt a lil reluctant to leave. the place might be a bit old and rusty. but the place was simple, cosy and had one of those beautiful sights. one of the workers said i bet you've never experienced something like this? seeing a wild boar being roasted and shot right in front of you? i said no. and then he spoke the truth and said something i'll remember forever. sometimes being a city kid isnt fun, the kampung boys might not have fancy homes, cars and gadgets but they have fresh air, small boats and the raging sea to play with. nature is their playground. the guy might have been drunk but what he told me was evidently true. the nature was once everyone's playground but now only to a minority of people.

four and a half hours later, i arrived home. cleared my laundry. had some food and fell asleep. my bed never felt so good. i now cherish my endless supply of clean water to drink and wash from. i cherish my dad's cars. my mom's money. my family's talent.

the trip might have been only two days. but i think it definitely changed my perspective on life.

my dad said Leon my cousin would have had a kick outta this trip. i agreed. maybe we'll go back there with him before the camp closes one day.

nature within my palm,
joyce

I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! for now. hehe.

I got my results today. i'm happy. though could have been better but whadahell.

been thinking alot about my situation lately. hmm. maybe i should tweak a few things about my life. like my relationship with god. how i talk to my friends and my family. my sisters in particular. maybe i should try to be a lil more soft and quiet. think it'll work?

i need new shoes. and a new phone. my current phone? terrible. its given up on me. not entirely. but its starting to! i need new shoes cause the one i have now are starting to discolor and its freaking me out!

my plans on studying in australia might be coming true! hahaha! am so happy! My dad is thinking about it! in fact, he's been talking about quite often now! my fingers are crossed and i'm praying hard about it too!

been thinking about him lately but you know what? maybe i'm not ready yet. i think i need to prioritize and i dont think boys are first on my list. its gonna be me, God, studies, and then boys. sound good? agreed? okay.

next motion, i've been thinking lately that i really wanna be a doctor. not a dentist. i dont think being a dentist will keep me sane. in fact, i think it'll drive me over the edge. can you imagine seeing the insides of someone mouth everyday? crap. thats insane. Doctors on the other hand do everything from the brain to your toes. i think i'll specialize in either the heart or just specialize in being a general specialist. hehe. i've done research. haha!

i miss IAN PANG!!!!!!!!!!! my teddy bear! he's in aussie. sigh. that chubby thing. hmm.
in fact, both me and yiing really do miss him. he's like the medium between both of us. makes us happy and smiley and crazy. he's like the line between ying and yang which is me and yiing. ahaha!

i havent called my grandparents lately. hmm. might call em later. today duan wu jie which means rice dumpling day. my mom used to make those when she wasnt working. she used to make special ones for me! just beans, sausages and mushrooms! i dont want the eggs or oysters! ahhaha! now, she just buys them. and sincerely, their nothing compared to my moms. i guess thats why i miss the times when she was just a housewife and not a businesswoman. hmm. because of her cooking and her way of making the house feel at clean, lovely and homey. hmm.

now that i have nearly ten days of freedom. i'm going to split it into a few ways. One, study. Two, sleep. Three, run with my dog. Four, go out with friends. Five, study. Six, help mom. Fair enough? hahah.

i think whats most important is that i start sharing more and more of my life with HIM. i think i've been neglecting Him alot. Not praying. Not reading the bible. The only time i do spend time with him is when i go to Youth. and thats only abt three hours. Three hours in one week? thats less than my studying. crap. so now. I'm going to start spending at least half and hour with Him. reading the bible. doing ODJ. praying. i think its going to help me in life and spiritually? right?

hmm. desperate times call for desperate measures. hehe.

you think i dont know.
how wrong could you be,
joyce

i'm so toast. so toast.

My exam results. are so. terrible. terrible.

out of seven subjects. i get. Three. Three. 3. tiga. A's. thats. total. crap.

my so called holiday. is so over.

sigh. sigh.

well, i'm happy.

Kris Allen won!!!!!!!!!!

hahahhahahahaha!!!!!!!!

oh. and i realized. i think. i'm his total opposite. you think its possible for us?

hehe. oops. sorry lia for the rub in. sorry.

AI fan. hehe,
joyce

sun, sand and tan.

guess where i went right after my exam?

i went to Karambunai!!! ahahahahahhahhaha!

i was like a prisoner escaping the jail but the advantage of having no warden running behind me!!!!!

i went to karambunai. and the moment i arrived my first thought or should i say, sight? was the lovingly lovely and oh so beautiful sea........

i know you guys always read about the sandy white beaches, but it was really sandy white! hahaha! i sound like those sakai tourist i know. but a holiday away from home was something i was in dire need of.

we had tea with clement lo. my sister mandy's bestie. he's pretty cool. couldn't really recognize him at first cause he totally changed. he was wearing a crisp white shirt with black pants and shoes. very formal. he just finish class. no wonder. i remember him in jeans and some weird top most of the time. ahha. i thought he was one of the waiters! hahahahahah! he likes to speak cantonese now. weird. hmm. anyway, he bought us lunch/tea which was pretty cool. i think this time he changed my perspective on him. he's a pretty cool guy, friendly, smart, presentable, efficient, and above all nice to my sister. not bad. not too shabby. haha.

the second day, i woke up at like 5.30 and went for a short walk. checked out whether anyone else in the resort was up. turns out i scared the workers cause they thought they were working late. ahhaha. so i went back to the room, tried to sleep but couldnt. so i just lay there in my thoughts amidst the synchronized snoring from my sister and my mom. geez. were they really that tired? i mean how tiring can driving be? from kk to sepanggar bay? hello? 20 minutes? that tiring huh? hmm. really terrible la my sister. acted as if she drove from china all the way to arab. anyway... so i went on a short walk by myself. took some pics but deleted them. bad lighting, shakey hands. its funny how when you're by yourself and all you have is your thoughts and its as if their outloud. well, my thoughts were mostly about him so they were good thoughts. i hope. then i had breakfast which was really good. some greens, bread and this awesome omelette. haha. the funniest was when i saw the batter. it was this huge bowl of egg. like huge la! and i asked her how many eggs were in it? she answered six trays and i went huh? she said there are 36eggs per tray i was like oh. then i was like wow! 36 x 5 is like 180 eggs. and she uses two bowls. thats 360 eggs per morning. now, thats alot of eggs.

i went swimming with my sisters. i would have preferably done it with my friends. both my sisters were like all graceful and 'tired' and just wanted to sit there and chat. thats what they call 'swimming'. i was like WHAT????? but fine, we all wanted a tan anyway. so now when you see me, i might look a bit tan. just a bit. not too obvious i hope. hahah. my dad came on the second day too. we took a ton of pics. the sunset was beautiful. the shades of pink, red, blue, orange, purple and streaks of white were amazing.

just goes to show how wonderful and insightful our lord is.

at night, we played monopoly. and the first time ever. i didnt die first. i didnt lose first. i came out second. i was in a tad bit of a shock whne mandy lost. she was holding so much money but i guess sometimes she is a bit too confident.

went kayaking too. tide was slightly choppy but it was cool to go against the tide. loved it. challenging but really fun.

wanted to go horseback riding but kept postponing. haha. in the end, i didnt get to. so, the third was the most fun i think. we swam in the morning and played chicken. so awesome la my dad. ahahha. all he did was push my sister with one finger and both of us fell. ahhahahaha. unstable la this chicken. ahhahahahahha.

i loved this trip. it might not be the best trip ever. but it was fairly interesting.

loving what loves me,
joyce

the awful truth....

EXAMS OVER~~~~~~

you know the saying, the truth will set you free or honesty is the best policy?

sometimes they may come in handy, in others times, their just pure crap.

when i was younger i was probably the worst sister ever. i was a spy. a tattertale. a creep. a wannabe. a fake. a whiny lil bitch.

really. thats the truth.

so, now. i've changed into a original, weirdo, loud, confident, conspirating, and unconventional sister.

the tables have turned.

now, its my turn to pay the price. my sisters excluding charlotte. are awful. AWFUL.

for those who are reading. and going. i dont believe what she's saying. i'm sorry. but i just cant seem to hold it in anymore.

my sisters are the most self centered, self righteous, self praised, irresponsible, ungrateful, inconsiderate and unmoraled people i have ever known. and although they may be related to me by blood. i would rather die than to be related to them in truth.

and no. i'm never ever ever gonna take this back.

and you know what you've done. you made a dent in my life. that permanent damage. the damage you've done will never heal. and because of it, i'm paying but i wont let you make me suffer. you hurt me, i'll hurt you back. that's just the law of the universe.

so my beloved sibling, you really wanna continue with your act of 'pure and clean'? and put me in the darkness? by all means, pick your poison. revenge runs in our blood. as they say, young ones are mad and they learn fast. old dogs cant learn new tricks. young ones can.

bring it on, sister. BRING IT ON.

killing you softly with my love....
joyce

its going to be over soon!!!!!!!!!

freedom is near!!!! i can smell it!!!!!!!!! but............. its not here yet.......
i know. lame. but its true!!!!!!!!!! its soooooo near yet sooooooooooo far.

the saying goes: time is slow for those who wait.

how true is that saying.

exams are nearly over. nearly. i finished my science, malay, english and history already. and my moral and my health test. i hope i do well. cause if i dont. the unthinkable happens. thats dangerous to even give it a thought.

i wanna go shopping!!!!!! hahahahahah!!!

anyway, my sister mandy is back! she's oh so famous in allsaints! hahahah! its not a surprise though! hahaha! she's is after all pretty, sweet and smart!

my sister coming back can only mean one thang and one thang only!!!!! we get to go for a holiday!!!!!!!! right after the last paper on friday, i get to run away to karambunai resort for a fun weekend! just girls! hahahaha!

i miss having those days with nothing to do! i want them back!!!!!!!!!!

i'm fighting with a supergirl for the ultimate guy. just my luck i guess.

haha. sob.
joyce

my situation. my song.

Savannah Outen If You Only Knew

If you only knew that I think about you
In a kinda secret way
I say kind of 'cause
Well it's obvious
I must be feeling these things

Too bad you can tell 'cause...

If you only knew it would be a dream come true
Standing next to you
Yeah I might go insane to know
That you feel the same as I do
If You Only Knew

If you only knew I write songs about you
In the lyrics all reveal
I imagine us chillin' out and stuff
When I close my eyes this is real

Singing out your name
If you only knew it would be a dream come true
Standing next to you
Yeah I might go insane to know
That you feel the same as I do

And then maybe someday
You'd write me a song too
If I had it my way
If you only knew
If you only knew

If you only knew it would be a dream come true
Standing next to you
Yeah I might go insane!
If you only knew it would be a dream come true
Standing next to you
Yeah I might go insane to know
That you feel the same as I do
If You Only Knew

this song totally describes my position. no questions. not telling the answers.
am totally addicted to this song. she's amazing. way better than miley cyrus. no offence to miley cyrus lovers.

love this song,
joyce

hooked on you.

haha. i know i havent blogged much these past few weeks. its cause the pmr toll has already started. the wheels have started turning. truth is I'M NOT READY DAMMNIT!!!!!!

exams start 4th to 8th may! and i'm still here using the comp. sigh. i know i shudnt but i cant help myself.

referring to the title above. hooked on you. there are several things i could mean. like the new laptop my dad got but he aint using yet. my new jeans. the tv. the comp. my phone. a guy.

yes. i said it. a guy. i'm hooked. but no. he aint my bf.

i know its silly to say i'm hooked onto him yet i know i'll never have him.

i mean. imagine this.

the guy. sweet,thoughtful, charming, smart and athletic.

me? ........ have no idea how to describe my self in comparison of him.

but yeah i know pathetic.

anyways, i miss having so much time to laze around and do nothing. now my schedules jammed packed with studying and extra curricular activities. its insane. this time last year. things were so slow moving. i was so bored. now. i'm everything else but bored.

hhahaaha. havent had time to spend with my friends though. like going out with mich, camy, lia. and going to the movies with yiing, samuel, xiao wei, davina, ong and bryan. sigh.

monday i have math tuition. tuesday i got science tuition. wednesday is study day. thursday is rest. friday is rest. saturday, wake up go dancing (yes i know. laugh. go ahead! LOL), afternoon i have malay tuition. then night i go to church youth. which is how i like my saturdays. productive yet not tiring. hahahah!

sundays are mostly used up by studying and doing my chores. hehe.

thats my week. haha. oh and i like walking the dog now that i have a friend to walk with. Edrea's his name. he has a dalmatian about three times the size of my dog yet when my dog went just a lil too close to his dalmatian named mike, the dog jumped into edrea's arms. i was like oh dear. i'm so sorry. hahahaha! his dog is really cute though. haha. has a weird yet funny expression. hahaha!

anyway, that about sums up my past few weeks!

oh! i went to bakat and had THE time of my life!!!! so sure i wanna go next year! it was awesome! we got third which is not bad at all!!!!!!

ahah. mandy's coming back to kk!!! yay! so happy!!

just my flow,
joyce

I'VE MISSED YOU, MY DEAR~~!!!!!!!

you're probably wondering what the hell is wrong with me but hey! I haven't been online since 3 weeks ago la k?!

and these past three weeks have been utterly agonizing~! i watched the debate comp and sadly lost to all saints!!!! those devils are sneaky!!!!

i also learn i have no control over my mouth already! i'm being called bossy and outspoken and not by my friends but would you believe if i told you that THREE of my sisters decided i'm TOO independent and proud and not humble at all?! i was like oh. erm. okay. i mean what could i say? no, i'm not! and sound all naive and vulnerable!

so, now, i'm not gonna try and change into someone else. well.. be myself and change. if thats logical. i'll try not to speak so loud. try not to give opinions. try not to talk back at anyone. just try to stand my ground in silence. how'd you like that for a change? nice? fine then. i'll try. if i dont succeed or my success in changing makes everyone go what happened to the old joyce? dont blame me. blame them. you know who you are.

anyway, haha. PMR's closing in quite a bit and i think its time i start my engines for it! stop playing games, stop reading novels, cut back on the afternoon nap and all and sit down and use my god given brain! hahah~!

oh and I LOVED THE MOVIE FAST AND FURIOUS 4!!!!!!!!
i have to admit it isnt as captivating as the rest but i mean from my point of view its still was one helluva movie! the cars and the boys were oh so amazing!!!!!!!!

hahahahahahhaha!

oh and i realized Spell It Right competition qualifying round is exceptionally hard to get by! i have to memorize the entire dictionary! thats my text book! i think i might have to let it slip?! sobs. sigh.

love to chat but i gtg,
joyce

I went for rEVOLution.....

I went for the REVOLUTION party... was supposed to go for the academy as well but nah.... was too tired anyways....

anyhow, i went and it was pretty awesome! i loved thw worship team! they were really good singers and they were really lively! jumping, dancing and all that!

the speaker Pastor Kenneth was really great! He was really into what he was talking, he never made us feel like we were in for a lecture but rather he was telling a tale, he shared his experiences and he knew what we were feeling, maybe it was just me but well, he was pretty good all in all!

but the only part which i didnt quite like was the part where he touched us and somehow we would fall to the floor. i dont know what was going on. were we supposed to fall to the ground or was it just for the purpose of letting our faith in the lord or was it cause he wanted us to lie in peace? i didnt know.

i couldnt fall to the ground. my body wouldnt trust the girl behind me. so i just sank to the floor in this kneeling postion.

i liked the emcee though. he's funnay! hahaha!

i went with elden and edrea but somehow along the way i got stuck with edrea and elden was somewhere at teh back with rich and calvin. hah. then i was lost once again being pushed around by ushers so that i could be prayed for by a pastor of whom pushed me side to side back and forth and then finally let me sink to the floor. i was all for praising the lord, praying, confessing my sins and so on forth but really what did it have to do with being pushed to the floor?

i'm not complaining. i'm just confused. what was the whole purpose? why do we need to be pushed onto lying on the floor? and the way we fell to lie on the flooe is like phew splat. the person behind us catching us arent exactly trained professionals. i was very much on my guard tonight. hmm.

lets talk about something else shall we?

shoes. hmm. i need new shoes. new converse. or just any other slip on shoes. ballet flats or mary janes. comfort first. hmm. in this case, i need to save cash.

i need at a hundred. hmm. i need a new wallet too. hmm.

scratch all the needs. i want. those arent exactly needs but wants.

what i need now is a cup of milo!!!

toodles hotties,
joyce

its my one hundreth and one post!!!!!!

haha! i finally got to sleep in till 11.... i woke up and looked at the clock.... and thought to myself its a good day! hahahahaha!

everyone in the house was up and running whilst i was upstairs on my bed reading the last book of the twilight series: breaking dawn.

i was so engulfed in it. i forgot to have my bfast and came down stairs to have a headstart on my history and geography projects. thank the good lord for computers and printers!

i imagine myself writing all those stories and information on the paper without the help of technology and shivers run down my spine! hahahahahahhaha!

i went out with my sister char for lunch! we were out with her friend edmund! who looks like a 20 year old but is actually 26! gasp! i know!~!!! he looks like he's fresh out of college well he kinda was but he's actually working now! but he's got plenty of free time oddly enough! he's funny! your typical super funny and lame kinda friend that'll make you laugh no matter what!!

so after lunch, he went for work after endless amounts of teasing my sensitive fingers when i coudln't take the heat of the pizza, so me and ce went to damai for some stationery restoring.

we went home and well, i'm here. typing this. while my very slow comp finds out how old the hospital queen elizabeth is. seriously. streamyx is terrible. argh. thinking bout it makes me pissed. but anyhow, we have to live with it. happy that it still works.

i felt like going to the beach just now when the weather was pitch perfect but then the weather did change and went from good to just fine to bad. it started raining. gah! why!!!!

i don't quite enjoy the rain unless i'm in the emo phase. hah. which is no where near me now. using my dad's laptop to type this. love typing on his keyboard. very effortless. very smoothhhhh... but sadly i cant hear music unless its blaring on the speakers. it wont cooperate with my headphones somehow. hmm....

my current favourite song is now : Hey Stephen by Taylor Swift. i wasn't very much enjoying the song at first but after a while of listening to it now i like it alot. its got this eccentric yet happy beat to it that makes me shake your head from left to right. ahahahahah.

but its just perhaps the lyrics are matched to my current situation but who cares?!

i love taylor swift. i mean she isn't exactly the best singer of all time but she is a good singer nonetheless. i love her songs. its the lyrics i'm drawn to the most. their just the pure truth added with a melody that mixes together and forms something that not only can you enjoy but relate to!

i'm ranting ang rambling again aren't i?

hah! i did some quizzes on facebook and it turns out! my actual age is seventeen instead of fifteen! mich got eighteen! once again a year older! haha! my sis char got 22! she was totally emo after that! hearing all the screamo music blaring from her car! hahahahahhahah! all because one stupid quiz told her she was two years older than her actual age!

i talked to a couple of my primary school mates whom have moved to Down Under! i miss them lots!!!! if you're reading this ian, my teddy bear, i miss you!!! no people he's not my boyfriend! he's just ian pang! my very good chubby friend who claims he isnt chubby but macho now! hahahahahahah! he wishes doesnt he? hahaha!

i think most of us have changed alot! we've all evolved and changed into someone else. like ugly ducklings into swans and tadpoles to frogs and from the caterpillar into a butterfly! its all so funny to see! but i know of some that have not changed a bit! in looks and thoughts! they seem to be stuck and they refuse to grow up! how grotesque!? i know!!!!!!!!!!

my house might have to undergo some surgery! oops i meant. construction.

and we might have to pack some stuff and throw some stuff out to accomadate with the might happens of the near future. my mom's overjoyed with this. she cant wait for us to start throwing things out of the house. keep in mind my mom is a simple person. too much stuff and she will start getting cranky and paranoid.

oh dear. i dont like construction works. their very. erm. dusty. stinky. and the workers are just weird. but then if they were any better they wouldn't be working as workers would they? no of course not! so yeah i guess i'll just have to bear it with the rest of my family!

i visited the hospital Queen Elizabeth on thursday. it was cool. fyi, i have never been inside before. it just never happened. everyone is family has gone before but i just never had the chance so this time i did. and i thought i could go inside the grey building which is the oldest since well, 1957! yeah its fifty yrs old. but unfortunately for me, the building was cracked in a couple of places and its starting to sink. so no one could go in anymore. i got to meet the deputy director though. that was pretty cool. he looked just like the rest of us. average. i took some pictures and then left for the museum. i havent been to the museum in AGES. i think the last time i went there was when i was in kindie. hahahahaa. the old rolls royce is still there. dusty as ever. it was kinda cool and creepy at the same time. it was awfully quiet which is pretty freaky. its got this eerie hum when you walk around. me and megan were like: is it too quiet in here? but every once in a while the tourist will pass by giving us smiles of warmth and we went phew okay we're safe. there was one part where we had to cross the so called caves of time and it was dark and there was this automatic sound of bats and a hum from the ancient times and me and meg were like what the hell? so we were walking in this fast pace only to find ourselves on the other end facing faces that were laughing at us. apparently, we were walking and giggling a lil too loud for them. hahahahahhahaha!

i got home. i started typing for history and then i find out that the pictures that i took actually needed me in them. argh! so now i might have to go to QE again. sigh.

i wanna go out of the country to finish my studies la! what in the world for do we need to learn moral and sivik for?! we need to memorize at least 32 definitions in order to pass and then go for the next level. civic and moral are exactly the same if you exclude the fact that civic has politics whereas moral doesnt. we have to memorize every word. forgot a word? too bad. thats two marks down your grade. its pure idiocracy. i know of kids who score for moral and have no moral basis at all!

oh dear. i'm getting worked up.

my mom's secretary is leaving us. she apparently wants to take up a course in tourism management. my mom was angrrryyy. well, i think my mom had the right to be. she didnt give her a months notice. in fact, she gave just a week. my mom managed to persuade her to give her a month to find a replacement. well, my mom decided that a replacement wasnt needed. that she could do it herself. we're not so sure. but well, my mom's kinda stubborn. hahahahahaha.

anyhow, my life's okay now. nothing too bad. nothing extravagantly good. its just stable and peaceful. well, got to go now.

life calls,
joyce

I like ice cream!

I like ice cream. i don't know anyone who doesn't like ice cream!

do you?

i mean whats not to like?

its sweet, creamy, sometimes, chunky, crunchy, salty, sour, all mixed into one very fulfilling, soul shaking, heart melting cup of goodness!

hahahahaa! sounds like i'm a promoter or something! hahaha !

i had ben's and jerry's cookie dough just now! hahhahaha!

i loved it! LOVE!!!!!!!!!!! oh. wait. sorry. i meant. I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!

hahahahah!

this is the after effect of an ice cream bar and some maltesers! hahahahahha!

i was sad but now i'm happy! really happy! hahahhaah!

speaking of ice cream, i think it was either Monday or Tuesday, Gina was talking about the famous Amos ice cream! that memory was brought back to life! that ice cream is the bomb! its like heaven in your mouth! absolutely the greatest!

and you know i think my comfort food, is definitely ice cream. no not chocolate bars. just plain old ice cream. preferably vanilla. the haagen daez type. just pure. creamy. sweet smelling and tasting vanilla ice cream.

hmm.... i can taste it now.... oh wait.... those are just my illusions...

hahahahaha,
joyce

you know what?

i was flipping through all my older post like the ones i first started typing.

i realized. I've changed. and. some parts are for the better. but some parts. I'm not so fond of.

i say and do things differently. i care about things that i shouldn't care about. at all. I've started depending on other people's help. i didn't need the help but i caved in anyway so that i get to laze around. I used to go headstrong into problems and fix them now i just let them ease at my discomfort and just leave it all hanging.

whats happening?

i know some things have changed for the better. I've started caring for the people around me. even the one's that i don't know too well. i care about how what i say might affect them. and if i say something i shouldn't have i try as fast as possible to fix it. I've started saving. which is good. i think. hehe. I've started to study. everyday. about two hours. I use the comp less. watch tv less. not the couch potato. unless its the hols. thats an exception. hehe. i know i'm less of the mean person i used to be. i'm starting to let things that used to irritate me slip. just slip under the rug. and then away and forgotten.

i'm trying. really hard. to change for the better.

but is it working?

i feel lost and found.
joyce

if you could read my thoughts or feel my pain.

to those you already know. stop reading. go away. to those that don't know. i beg of you. read and then don't give it a second thought.

i chose to like you. choosing the wrong button.
i pressed to see what i could get.
red light appeared.
shit! i failed once again.
i turned to walk away.
but my feet would me bring no further.
my thoughts scrambled for plan B
only to be shocked at my plea
there was no escape plan for me
only the cliff and the sea
but once again i reeled my soul in
i could not believe my eyes
i read and read and read again
but the words wouldn't apply
my brain felt numb
i felt like crap
and then i understood
what they meant
by feeling nothing
and how it felt
to feel like you're floating on such a thin air
and yet feel like you're body's not even there
how could i be so naive?
how could i put up such false hopes?
how could i believe all that i see?
and believe that's all i need.
but now, i know the truth.
you already have what you need.
me on the other hand.
i'm left hanging.
but i believe i'll stand again.
on my feet. and not on my knees.
i just need time.
to take it in.
this probably sounds cliche.
but its happening.
probably not you.
but it is to me.
sorry i'm probably wasting your time.
i know whats it like to have someone say no.
dont tell me i dont know. what do you know?
don't call me a b**ch. i'll show you one.
don't call me cold. i'll give you snow.
don't tell me what to do. i'll do it wrong.
cause what i wanna do is what you hate to be involved with.

just some thoughts and stuff i had to get off my chest.
joyce

Marley and Me... double dousage

I watched marley and me.... twice!

i know you probably went: aiyo! or what?~

the first time was with mich and yiing. we watched it and i was the only one out of the three that cried. can you believe that when i was teraing up mich actually giggled?! and went: you crying? aiyo!

i was like WTH?!

so this time.... i went with well... alot of people. i think twenty of em. all from church. i know. klites probably went what?! sabahans went: she finally goes to church!

hahah! i know! yes, i'm going to church people. to fill myself with some hope and faith in the Lord Almighty.

Thank god! this time around the only person that snickered was Edrea that sat beside me. he probably did it unconsciously. i forgive him. hahah!everyone else cried with me! THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahahhaahahahaha!

yeah. it was jessica chen's bday. and about three days ago, it was frances's bday. and so i heard oscar's is on the way.

yeah i had a fairly good day and night. everything went well. we had dinner at hong kong recipe. i didnt have much coz of the sandwiches in the afternoon. had one too many of those deliciously filling things! hahahahah!

i love dogs. forever have. forever will. hehe!

somethings never change,
joyce

sometimes....its all a lie.

ever feel like someone you thought you knew was suddenly different from your description?

have you ever felt that liking someone is just a mistake you could afford to make but wasn't worth making?

have you ever felt like you were such a failure at times of loss?

have you ever been put down by a family member or a close friend in times of sadness?

have you ever been insulted by a group of people you thought were your friends?

have you ever been sick with disgust when you find out the people you trust were just liars in disguise?

have you ever wanted something so badly yet could never really achieve?

have you ever wanted attention so badly you would rebel in order to attain some?

have you ever wondered what it'd be like for your crush to like you back even though you know subconsciously it isn't going to happen?

Have you ever liked someone for so long yet done nothing about it because you think you don't have the chops?

have you ever been rejected by another based on your looks alone?

the lies. the truth. the scandal. the rage. the wrath. and the calm after the storm.

for what we don't know in, we should not meddle in.

but what i do know is. i like you. but there's nothing i can make you do to like me.

just saying things to express my feelings in the leas violent way.
joyce

i got my self in, i get my self out

you know those cliche love story of how this girl falls for the super popular guy and just happens that the girl is best friends with the hottest girl? and then the plot is hot girl and hot guy date and plain girl watches and stands all alone and then one day or rather slowly the hot guy starts to like plain girl and then hot girl turns into a total bitch and then in the end the hot girl and plain girl are good friends again and the guy becomes the plain girl's boyfriend and happily ever after.

but the sad thing is. that isn't just some made up story. things like that do actually happen nowadays. and its kinda sad.

i guess in a way. it is partially personally true to me. sadly, all my girl friends are pretty and cool and well, i kinda am the brains and the jock within the circle. all the guys are my friends but they never are interested in me. always the other girls. i'm not sad or angry or whatever. but a guy once in a while being just a plain old flirt is nice. LOL.

i got into the debate team. the topic was Is Science a Threat to Humanity?

I was on the governments team. with akmal, marco, and izzat. versus the opposition team. Tanya, Eloise, Fairuz and Gina. i was like crap. i'm on a team with three guys and i'm against four girls. the truth was. i wanted to be with the other girls. but i couldnt change positions so i stuck to it. and then because i'm closer to marco than akmal or izzat. rumors fly like crazy that i'm with marco! LIKE WTH?!?!?!?!

wwhere did that come from? like hello?

but i wanna be the better person so i'm letting this slip. i dont wanna pick a fight. i dont wanna fight. so i'm holding my peace.

rEVOLution party is here. lotsa people going. so i feel like not going but then if i dont go , i might miss the chance of seeing him and pleasing and praising the man upstairs. sigh. what should i do?

anyways, i got all my projects started already. home economics, history ang geography. i hope i excel in them.

OH SPEAKING OF EXCELLING!!!! I GOT A'S FOR NEARLY ALL MY SUBJECTS!!!!!!!!!

its my exams. hehe. i'm so proud of me self. hehehehe.

loving yourself and those you want,
joyce

temporary freedom..... heehehheheeh....

Friday the Sixth.

My mom went to singapore. hahahahahahah!!!!
She wanted a break from all things connected to her work and house life. haha.
She wanted to shop and see her sister. thank god for airasia!

and my mom is so silly! international flights need two hours check in! everyone knows that!

my mom's flight was at 1830 but by four fifty pm we were still in the house! i was like: MOM YOU"RE GONNA MISS YOUR FLIGHT!!!!!!!! and she replied: my flights at six thirty la!

still got one hour and a half! my sister and I stood in awe and shock! she didnt have a clue did she? oh dear. boy, did we scramble? oh yes we did.

my sister drove and sped like crazy on the road, but half way there, my dad who was going to kl said: wait, where's my passport?

so then we dropped my mom at the airport and my dad insisted he drive cause he couldn't take my sister's SLOW driving.

earlier, i said my sister was driving like a crazy person. i take that back. crazy driving is my dad's title.

say" you're on the outer right lane but you need to get into the outer left lane, and thats about three or four lanes away with a lil divider about 20 metres away. would you cross over? would you go over the divider? go against the flow?

that's exactly what my dad did. he crossed over. my sister was freaking out silently and motionlessly in the car. but i know my sister well. she can't take these kinda things. but then again i've never been a driver so i wouldn't know all the skill and practice stuff. haha!

from my dad's driving, he cuts and drifts like mad when he's pissed. i think it would be safe to say you wouldn't want to meet my dad when he's pissed on the road! hahahahaha!

So after we sent our parents off at the airport, me and ce wanted to calm our senses down from all the speeding and adrenaline running through our veins. We went to the yacht club for a drink. Let me tell you this. I love the beach. the sea. the sand. the wind. the waves. but the utmost important role in the scene, the sun and its powerful waves of sunlight! how it makes the water shimmer. the clouds look like they glow and the immerse feeling of liveliness! I couldn't stop taking pictures. And so did a few other old men. ahaha! this old man had a D-SLR camera. and he looked like my dad in a way. how he angled the camera. took a million shots per angle so he could get this perfect shot. me and ce discussed that. I dont mind doing that. taking the shot over and over again just for the nicest one. but char isn't like that she just wants that one perfect shot and if she cant get it in one shot she'll just prefer to look at the view and keep the view in memory.

we also dicussed alot of family stuff there. clothes. friends. outings. its funny how silence makes you spill your innermost thoughts and feelings out in the open. haha!

On saturday, i was supposed to go for karate but i decided not to. since getting up was a factor and getting there was a problem haha! i went for malay tuition and came back to read what i wrote and done just as revision. I like the tuition. its helpful and he keeps us in on a roll. no stops just going on with a pace. not a minute goes to waste. I then went for church youth. sadly, my eyecandy wasn't there to greet me with a smile like the usual. he had to stay home and study. dang. haha. i told michelle bout this. she had a migrain immediately but i assured her that wasnt the reason i was going to church. more like, i wanted to learn more about Him and just wanted a moral assurance.

thats about it. I'm going out with michelle and wen yiing later. for some shopping and a movie! Marley and ME!!!!! hahaha.

sometimes it isnt everything,
joyce

the enticement excites me but it shall tempt me no further....

I haven't used the comp in two weeks! ahhahahah!

now i know what its like to be so uber busy and then just falling asleep only to be woken up for tuition! hhahahahah!

using the comp daily has to stop and change to a weekly thing.

so my dear friends,

it'll be a once a week thing. i'll be on for two hours and then i'm off to hit the books! haha!

i realized something really in my life. i fall for guys that will never fall for me. and they always become my best friend or good friend and then it'll never be.

its like those stupid cliche plots for a movie. crap. i live like some soap opera. oh dear. hahahahahahahhahahahahaha.

currently, relating my life to the song Fifteen by Taylor Swift. its good. i like her. hahahah!

gtg study now! Exams are all over the place and eating me alive!

crazy for books and boys,
joyce

OH NO~!!!!! I'M SICK~~~~~

The last time i went to the doctors was two years ago. I had a fever then. Now. I have a fever and a upper respiratory tract infection. It all started with a small lil sore throat and then became a wheezing cough and then a total bonfire of a fever. I wasn't the only with it. My friends had it too. My teachers were actually telling us to go home because we had it. They were blaming the weather. they were really cute about it though! hah!

I had the cough on monday and then tuesday i had it a lil worse with a slight fever. Wednesday was when i couldn't take it anymore. I was in class and i couldnt think straight. I had to distract myself to not fall asleep and get sent home. but not even my friends were buying my oh so famous line of I AM OK LA! hehe. i was picked up by ce char to go hoome to my comforting and warm bed. but before i could get forty winks to get better my mom whisked me off to where i got my first injection to get some medical consultation and some meds. The doctor was telling us it was due to the weather and its constant change from sunny to windy to rain and then sunny again that was affecting all of us. even the doc was a lil down with the cough! haha!

I took the advantage of the time home to finish up all the undone homework. like the history notes i've been procrastinating and the math i've been avoiding! haha!

Now, all i want is to be better and not have porridge everyday!!!

a lil eccentric i know,
joyce

life is passing me by.... what should i do?

its been a while since i blogged...time really does fly without you noticing...

in class, i feel a little bit weird... the class i'm in isn't like the classes i'm used to... its very.... unwelcoming... no one cares about you...

they hardly acknowledge your presence and even if they do talk to you, they sound as if their unwilling and obligated to. even if they dont mean it. you can hear it in their voice.

everyone's telling me to forget it cause they'll come to you when they fine out about how good you are.

but am i good enough? am i cool enough? am i nice enough to even be their friend? i know i sound awfully stupid but its bugging me. not all the time but. still. its like a stone in your shoe. you'll get used to it but it bugs you anyway.

my circle of friends that consisted of Xiao Wei, Davina, Stanley, Samuel, Li Ze, Chris, Samson, wen Yiing, Dylan, Nicole, and Madeline. now its just down to me, Wen Yiing, Dylan and Nicole.and the newest additions, chong vui vun and aaron yong. chong vui vun is a bit... well gay... coz... he has only a sister to look up to and I dont blame him... at least he isnt a fake-ish kinda gay... .Aaron on the other hand is kinda cool. he's a athlete with mad. he's friendly and nice. the best part abt him! HE ISNT IMMATURE!!!!! haahahahah...

its Valentine's day on saturday! all the lovey dovey couples have already started planning for this oh-so-lovely-day!!! well, i'm glad i;m single! hahaha!dont hav to fuss on what to get or buy for your partner! i think its wonderful to have a day to shower your loved one with gifts but at such a young age, its truly unnecessary! you can barely earn a wage of rm200 a month why spend a great deal amount of your PARENTS money on your supposedly GIRL or BOYFRIEND when the possibility of the break up is like a month or two away?

on the positive note, i am jealous of those lucky bi***es who get flowers and gifts on vday... haha... envious would be a better word tho... haha! wishing i were in their shoes? not so much. maybe. maybe not. but i have a better way of spending valentine night! ahha! i'm going to church! i heard a loud gasp escape your lips! how dare you! hahahaha! yeah. i took advice from my relatives on going to youth! thank you vincent! i think its probably time i spend more time with the Man Upstairs!

well... thats about it... i think.... am listening to The Fray - You Found Me... really nice...

its time thats changing me...
joyce

if you havent watched it gurl, YOU SHUD!!!!

what could moi be talking about?

hahah!

ANGUS, THONGS AND PERFECT SNOGGING OF COURSE!!!!

its such a good flick for girls 13 and above and just below 22 !
hahahahahahhaha!!! no offense to those too young or a lil elderly!

its about a girl called georgia nicholson, she's 14 turning 15, i like this movie because there are no hollywood stars for a change. also because not all the stars are super good looking. in fact, georgia groome the main actress isnt really pretty. she's just average. and i think what attracted me the most to this movie, no no not the boy although he is awesomely gorgeous! haha! is the fact that she's a lil bit of a lost soul... she's all about making herself thinner prettier bustier and perfect for him! she may seem selfish but its actually just because she wants things to happen for her! and i think most of us are searching for that someone who cares for us and wants us as much as we want them! we all want to know more about the coupledom world and we all want to look better as girls! we all scheme and plan and we tend to forget the act doesnt last as long as your true self! and i love this movie! i wouldn't mind watching it over and over again!

the aftermath, i'm currently listening to the soundtrack for the movie. the band Stiff Dylans are cool. really cool. but actually the actor Aaron Johnson isnt in the band like in the movie but besides that, the songs are cool. i also like the other tracks.

btw, Aaron Johnson is so hot! hahahahahah! if you dont believe me, go watch the movie! all the picky girls i know about guys are absolutely DROOLING over him! he's that hot! hahahahahah!

i just came back from kl! haha! my bag's zipper broke that means only one thing..... i bought a lil extra! hahahahaha! sadly the extra wasnt for everyone! hahaha! i only got a thing or two for a couple of people! if you didnt get one, so sorry mate!

lovin livin and breathing, especially laughin,
joyce

i'm at loss with words...

today i ran the school marathon, 5.5km... no biggie la... nearly everyone ran.. except for the few that ran away like cowards with the excuse of not liking the sun or sweat..

i ran with wen yiing this year. or rather we did brisk walking. fast stroll finishing it with confidence. haha. we were no where near the top ten. hahahah. probably just above fifty or so.

after that, as usual, i walked home but before that i kinda called my sister. so she just assumed i was gonna wait for her. i called! not mis-called! aiks...

so, i arrived home. on the way. well, i've been walking home for about three weeks not... and observing people i did. here's the conclusion there are more and more childish and naive children nowadays due to very anxious and over protective parents. i know you probably went: cheh~~..... or.... thats it?
well yeah. the parents are waiting outside of school in their cars half an hour or an hour before schools out. they wait with their mags or their knitting and their phones or even just sitting with other parents to gossip or complain!

then, when the bell rings, they rush into school to pick up their precious gems who are screaming and complaining and then rushing into the car to use their oh so good iPods or their super new phones which are so much more canggih than mine!

and while the kids are waiting comfortably in the car, the parents are way at the back carrying their bags and water bottles and stuff. i'm like why torture yourself so badly when your kid is perfectly healthy and capable of carrying their own bags?

i remember when me and my sisters were at elementary school, all my mom did was drop me off or pick me up. and we didnt even bother asking her to send us in or walk us in or carry our bags for us. we didnt ask them to bring us food or take our bags. and if you ask the parents they'll say that the bags now are heavier and they have more books now. we still have the same subjects as we did when we were their age, we managed to carry all the books by ourselves. more and more spoilt and stupid.

and parents nowadays, are utterly stupid. they will just about park anywhere to pick up their kids. imagine this. two way road. mother on the left road comes out and parks in the opposite side of the road. PARKS. she then gets out and leaves to get her children then she finds out her child's class isn't over then WAITS at the school hallway. what she chose to ignore was the fact that she parked her car in the middle of the road and not for a few minutes but ten. her car was nearly smashed by a four wheel drive driven by a very fierce and violent man. her car was just a small suzuki swift. she then comes a whole fifteen minutes later and gets rude faces, ugly fingers and very harsh words all of which she deserves due to her act of total idiocracy and stupidity.

i love my parents. they weren't too strict but strict altogether. they weren't over protective in fact we were the type that took care of ourselves. i hope i can go half the good job they did when i'm a parent one day. just maybe. haha.

loving the hate,
joyce

confessions... thoughts... figured it out....

you know how when you finish a paper and there's so long till the exam time is up and you're just sitting there either checking your answers, dreaming or doodling or just going through your thoughts and recent issues?

yeah that was today for me. i had my english and accounts. and because of english i had another 45 minutes to spare. i was thinking and dreaming and doodling.

when it just hit me, what have i done? instead of that someone playing with my feelings, i was playing with his. i didnt like this guy at all. i liked him just as a friend. and yet when it came to that point i just assumed that i liked him. i just admitted i liked him when actually he's nothing to me but a friend. nothing more nothing less. and yet i flirted with him and played with his feelings just as some other guy had done to me before.

after that thought, i had so much i wanted to say. yet thinking of me telling him all i wanted to say gave me shudders that i might hurt him.

and thinking back at the thoughts of actually dating this guy made me laugh, and you know when you laugh in the exam, heads will turn and the teacher will glare, yeah that happened. this guy and me yeah compatible you might say but other than some friends and currents issues and music we have nothing else in common. haha. he likes me alot. i dont like him. i feel kinda sad about telling him.

and the worst part, am gonna see him in a day or so. craperamas eh? i know.

should i or should i not? can i or can't i ? to be or not to be? i think i've made my choice. i shouldn't. i can't. and it will not be. even if i tried.

oh dear Lord save my soul,
joyce

eagerness creeping in..

yay!!!! chinese new year is a couple of days away!!!!!!! i'm going back to kl!!!! yay!!!!! yay!!!

so excited.... even though i go back three times a year to kl... it never seems enough... i always want to stay on a few more days.. sadly that rarely happens..... but i'm just really glad i'm going back... my sabah friends think i've lost it... whenever i start to smile whenever i day dream.. hahahah...

thoughts and rants,
joyce

dont question me... me and my actions...

i havent known you for long...
i havent known about you that much...
i met you and you quickly became my friend...
yeah we have common interest...
but...
are we rushing into this?
its like we're just rushing into this head first...
i admit.. i like you...
but...
i still have my moments.. my doubts...
what do i do?
i have no idea whether you're just playing with my mind or
do you really feel that way?
you end every sentence with a smile or a LOL...
its either i just did something good for myself or
i did something utterly stupid...
i cannot resist asking this..
can we make it through the year?
can we even make it?
can we both still like each other throughout the whole PMR year?
or is this just childs play?
or is this just a game you love to play?
confused excited doubtful.
i'm not saying no.
but why am i scared to say yes?

totally utterly at loss,
joyce

far away land was super cool....

hey there beautifuls! i was at a place called Kasih Sayang Resort And Spa recently! well, to be more specific.... new years day.... my sister and my family and my super far away yet connected relatives were all gathered here! we had a nice lunch and were really happy due to the magnificent view and the cool whether to usher in the new year! and in that picture, is my sister and I or rather a monster and I! we were supposed to smile at the camera.... i did... while she tried biting off my head... sigh...

all's fair in love and war,
joyce

school, sports, and stories

second week of form three and i'm already causing drama... aiks...

stories have already been spread about me liking this guy who just moved from miri to my class....
I was just being friendly since he was new and he knew no one, so i introduced myself and tried making small talk.... and then those stupid girls had to go all oooh aaah.... craperamas....

I got chosen to throw the javelin.... and i was chosen because during the selection, i was irritated by this friend of mine who was sitting far away... he kept saying my name out loud whenever positions were being filled in... so i picked up a pen and threw it at him and it hit him on the head... and he went aduh sakit... and the teacher watching me which i didnt notice wrote my name down on the javelin form.... i was like: what??!?! no!!!! i dont know how?!?! and all the teacher said was: i saw what i needed to see.... you can... with some practice...

school's been ok i guess... i'm actually kinda sad coz since we're all in different classes... all of us rarely get the chance to talk or see each other.... i kinda miss all the chinese monkeys that used to hang with me... now i'm stuck with all english and all smart people and their all a bit more stuck up and hard to get along... i really miss em....

chinese new year's just around the corner.. i even have excell exams next week... form one and two stuff... aiks.... hope i do well.....

reminscence and happiness,
joyce

first week of school in a few words... mayb more...

in a blink of an eye, its already the friday of the first week of school!!!! but school's not over...

now that i'm form three... we have class on saturdays... and since our school is super weird... they have arranged that our sports day will be held in march but... we've already started sports practice... and as i am writing this.... time is ticking away because.... at three pm.. i have sports practice...

will tell you more soon...

prob sunday or next week or whatever.

sighs,
joyce

First Day Of Form Three

Today was the first day of school.

As usual, i'm all nervous and hyper and scared.

I woke up at around 5 because i couldn't sleep no more but funnily when it was about time to go to school, i felt super sleepy.

Arrived at school and i felt the surge of energy around me. Whereas i felt dead and stiff.

I saw a group of my friends at the canteen and walk forward to join them.

Half of them were asleep and the other half already had all the gossip and all the energy to gossip and giggle and laugh.

I waited to for Yiing to arrive so both of us to go to our new class. We tend to stick together coz she's small pretty and super smart whereas i'm tall not so pretty just above average smart.
She's got a bad sense of humour. I'm funny in a good way ( not too much on jokes but i say funny stuff). She's the type of person that only makes friends when pressured. I make friends whenever i wish. She's quiet when around strangers. I go along with the flow when around strangers. so yeah. She's ying and i'm yang.

So yeah we went to class and rushed forward to grab window seats. We both loe window seats. When we are fuming we really need somewhere to look at that doesnt involve humans. We sat near each other and only talked to people we knew.

There was a new kid from Kuching and Selangor. The Kuching Kid's name is Adrian. He's tall, totally quiet and thin. Shy. I introduced myself and he did as well coz he sat behind me. It was a pretty sad day for him. He moved seats a couple of times. He was being called the new kid. He didnt manage to make any guy friends at all. He ate alone. sat alone. talked to no one. kinda sad.

We had a slow day today. it seemed as if class was never going to end. puan carol is super nice. super sarcastic. puan olivia is ok i guess. very polite and nice. but then again, all teachers seem nice at first rite? hahhahahah...

School ended at 12.50. gosh. i was like huh? so late...

the weather was scorching hot... just five minutes under then sun and you're like the muffins in the oven... sweaty and a lil cranky....

mich offered me the ride home that could save me from crankyness... or so i thought...

her mom used the st james way.. so she kinda got stuck there.... so i had to walk down from shan tao all the way home... which is actually longer than the route i had to take.... no wonder people say dont take short cuts...

when i got home... i was like.... THANK GOD FOR AIR CONDITIONING!!!!!!!!!!

hahahahahah..... my parents were like: YOU ACTUALLY WALKED HOME A?!?!?!

my response: you mean you guys were joking?

their response: no but we didnt expect you to really do it.

my dad added on: if you could put that drive onto your school work, 7A's is a piece of cake.

my thoughts: if only you knew.

I had lunch and did school work.

it wasnt a bad day. it wasnt exactly a good one either.

oh dear.

thoughts and rants,
joyce

So weird..

I had the weirdest dream last night......

Like really weird....

I dreamt about this guy who used to be a good friend of mine...

now he is a friend i guess... we've grown apart.... so we rarely talk to each other.....

i havent spoken to him in abt 2 years....

so about this dream.... it wasnt anything dramatic.....

just us hanging out... catching up..... watching a movie...

and that was it....

i mean what kinda dream is that?

and waking up from the dream i felt really happy... then thinking back i was like woah! i just dreamt abt that guy! and i felt nauseous from thinking about him!

hehe. i know. dont say it. keep it to yourself.

totally confused,
joyce

a lil juicy info~!

did you know?!!!?!


there's this boy called JOHN LIM JI XIONG!!!!!

WHO IS TOTALLY OBSESSED WITH THIS OTHER GIRL CALLED CELINE SOON~!!!!

hahahahha!

dont bother asking why i'm doing this!


hehe,
joyce

my new class...

09 is a new year to me...

it isnt one of those years where you know you'll see a sea of faces which are familiar to you..

this year it starts with a sea of faces unknown to me....

i had to register today.... i woke up at 7.15... got dressed and all... i thought i woke up early only to come down stairs to find my parents ready and working..

Me and my mom reach school at 8am sharp... I see a couple of my friends.... haha... so happy to see em....

I was all ready to see the teacher only to find the teachers office empty... i was like you've got to be kidding me?!

they were in a meeting with the monkey king himself. oh dear.

My mom was pissed. starting talking real loud. not very classy. not like her usual posh self.

We came back at 11 again. finally i'm registered to the damn school.

sigh. so here i am telling you this awful story.

got my class schedule. lookin at it makes me feel a lil sick.

Then again: I AM NOT READY TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL! I DONT WANT TO!

I want to sleep in...

wake up at brunch time....

but then morning class does have its upside....

we get more free time in the afternoon... hehe....

have to use the comp now or else i may have to use it only after PMR... aiks.....

i will miss my old classmates more than ever now!

the crazy Dota kings... The insane Xiao Wei and her sidekick handsome Stanley.... basketball queen Davina...... immature Jeremy.... my good friend Samuel and his half brother Lizard....

good times fly,
joyce

what i feel inside, no one knows.

this is by my friend. Benjamin Teoh. a talented fellow he is. although i didnt write it. the contents are exactly my thoughts and my feelings. funny.

Cry,
Please don’t lie,
When you avoid my eye,
It makes me want to cry,

Hi,
Please don’t let the conversation die,
When you end so quickly with a bye,
It makes me want to cry,

Why,
There’s a reason you don’t reply,
But my imagination isn’t my ally,
It makes me want to cry,

Try,
To find out what you imply,
Without getting you awry,
Please don’t say goodbye,

Don’t put a wall between us,
Because there’s nothing worse,
But I’m probably overreacting,
Just telling you I’m here for you, for everything.

thoughts and rants on nothing or something,
joyce