I wanna I wanna I wanna touch you

haha. you're probablying going ~yikes~ at the title. its a song by all american rejects. its nice. i like ~natural disaster~ by the plain white T's too.

this week has been hectic. study study study. exam exam. more papers. more masks. more tissues. more haze. terrible weather we have.

i'm so happy. i'm so happy. and only some people will know. gosh. hehe. i cant believe it. lol. hahahhahaha.

anyways, my teachers are extra paranoid now that my school has two confirmed H1N1 patients and yet my school isnt closing. how perfectly wonderful. we should sue him if it touches any of my friends.

i think i'm really gonna pick up learning the guitar after PMR. i know lotsa people say that. but i really want to. when i see people play the guitar, i feel so inspired and jealous. i wanna play too. ahhahahaha.

anyways, gtg. busy week.

got mich's bday and youth. me, max and jamie made a vid for this weeks announcements. was tiring man. hahha. all of ya'll who come to my church please be there on the 8th of August! THE VID IS AWESOME!

haha, hehe, sigh,
Joyce

Good girls go baadddd.

I'm currently in LURVE with the song by cobra starship with leighton meester.
not only is she pretty, she's also multi talented. argh.

went to church. i think it really calms me down and makes me happy. church i mean.

hmm. exam exam, please go away, cant you come back another day?

you know how in school madeline foo always says i smell like flowers? you wouldn't believe it mad. someone said i smelled like hong kong feet. i was like WTF? but i dont get angry over petty issues like that so i just gave her a shrug and walked away.

did a facebook quiz. Which Bitch Are You? the answer.

ALPHA BITCH: You are an Alpha bitch. You are dominating and controlling, but your man or friends can't say anything to that because you are so good at everything. You are pretty, smart, funny, social... your boys are lining up for you despite the way you treat them.

i dont treat people that way. or wait. no i dont! i dont dominate and control. if you think otherwise, comment. here or facebook. up to ya'll.

gosh. i miss him like mad. today, i saw this car that looked like his pass by my house. i actually stood up and smiled to myself. this infatuation and admiring is starting to take a toll on me. i mean. i keep expecting something when deep down i know there will be nothing there. i dunno whats wrong with me. i know he'll never be mine. so why do i still bother? argh.

michy's bday coming! hehe. got her gift ady. but still need to go shopping with her. hahaha! after i told her there was sale at charles and keith, she was itching to go! she's like a rebbeca bloomwood malaysian version. if you dont understand, rebbeca bloomwood is the main character of confessions of a shopaholic. i need to get new stuff too. like shoes and a jacket. preferably ballet flats and a grey jacket. hmm. turning girly. aiks. hope i dont turn into one of those high pitched squealing creatures. hahahaha.

i wanna go to kl la!!!!!!! I WANT TO SEE MY GRANDMOTHER! I DO THINK STUDIES COME FIRST WHAT ABOUT FAMILY??? DOESN'T THAT COME FIRST? ARGH.

i think i'm slightly scrambled up now. its like. just when i thought my life was totally under control, it spiraled right out and slapped me across my face.

hurting and in pain,
joyce

new dude.

have you guys heard of the song : hey stephen by taylor swift?

haha. it s's a really nice song.

it'd be cool if ce mich sang it to him. hahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahha.

inside joke. DONT ASK ANYONE BOUT IT!

he's just some really cool dude from church who's been really nice to my family especially now with everything going on.

he's a good counselor. he's really good at making you spill your beans somehow. i think its the hair. defo the hair. its well. middle parting but not quite in the middle. you know? nah, i betcha dont. its really unique. hahahahah.

i think he's a really nice guy. i mean. yeah. he's a good guy. that's it. the funniest thing bout him is he's got this aura of peculiarness. as in. he's weird but he's not irritatingly weird. in fact its the weird that makes you giggle. and makes you go ohhhhhhhhhhh okay. ahahha. but he knows alot of stuff so its really easy to talk to him.

we had to resolve an issue before i realized that about him. and he's really hard to ignore since everyone's nice to him and he's nice to everyone.

and he's very evasive. when he doesnt want to answer that question, and there's a drink in front of him, he's bound to pick it up and drink. but i like that he's honest. honest people are hard to find.

i think he's good for her. i hope my sister picks him over the other dude. she better or she's blind.

oh and FYI, i dont like stephen. i like. another guy. tee hee.

loving the skips of freedom,
joyce

Catch me if you can...........

have been having quite a number of bad days. family matters intruding my every brain cell.

sorry if i havent been around. been pretty busy and away.

sorry if i caused any amount of trouble for ya'll.

been pretty insulting due to my bad moods. sorry stephen!

hmm. i miss him alot and there's nothing i can do. haha. cliche i know.

I love you grandma! YOU'RE THE BEST GMA IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!


loving, praising, missing, crying and apologising,
joyce

sometimes, i feel stupid when i talk to you.

sometimes, when you call me and talk to me, i feel comforted by your voice but when we talk, i feel really stupid compared to you. you.re smart and everything that i'm not.

anyways, i've not been in school for two days. kinda miss it. hehe. a lil. sick. cramps. darn. anyway, been studying alot. my brain's getting sore. ahahah. if thats even possible.

had dinner with bien and nikki the other night at Nok Thai. Great food. loved it. Dad was telling us loads of stories bout the olden days when he was young and adventurous. well, he isnt young now but he aint old but the same old adventure runs through him.

izzat made a funny video bout PMR. you guys can view it on his facebook profile. its hilarious. audio effects are awesome. ahahah.

still missing you and you dont even know.

haha. i did all these stupid quizzes in class and four came out lawyer and three came out doctor. my friends were all very consistent. always either teacher or artist or the others repeatedly again. i was once of those people who had several choices. aiks.

confused, crazy about you, stupidly studying
joyce

listening to an angel's voice.

listening to lia's voice while typing this. she has a really nice voice. hmm. makes me wanna learn the guitar even more.

hey monday candles.

her songs. handwritten. memory filled. heartfelt songs.

love. its contagious and heartwrenching.

yet we all go looking for it.

weird.

missing him since didnt see him last week.

argh.
joyce

I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! for now. hehe.

I got my results today. i'm happy. though could have been better but whadahell.

been thinking alot about my situation lately. hmm. maybe i should tweak a few things about my life. like my relationship with god. how i talk to my friends and my family. my sisters in particular. maybe i should try to be a lil more soft and quiet. think it'll work?

i need new shoes. and a new phone. my current phone? terrible. its given up on me. not entirely. but its starting to! i need new shoes cause the one i have now are starting to discolor and its freaking me out!

my plans on studying in australia might be coming true! hahaha! am so happy! My dad is thinking about it! in fact, he's been talking about quite often now! my fingers are crossed and i'm praying hard about it too!

been thinking about him lately but you know what? maybe i'm not ready yet. i think i need to prioritize and i dont think boys are first on my list. its gonna be me, God, studies, and then boys. sound good? agreed? okay.

next motion, i've been thinking lately that i really wanna be a doctor. not a dentist. i dont think being a dentist will keep me sane. in fact, i think it'll drive me over the edge. can you imagine seeing the insides of someone mouth everyday? crap. thats insane. Doctors on the other hand do everything from the brain to your toes. i think i'll specialize in either the heart or just specialize in being a general specialist. hehe. i've done research. haha!

i miss IAN PANG!!!!!!!!!!! my teddy bear! he's in aussie. sigh. that chubby thing. hmm.
in fact, both me and yiing really do miss him. he's like the medium between both of us. makes us happy and smiley and crazy. he's like the line between ying and yang which is me and yiing. ahaha!

i havent called my grandparents lately. hmm. might call em later. today duan wu jie which means rice dumpling day. my mom used to make those when she wasnt working. she used to make special ones for me! just beans, sausages and mushrooms! i dont want the eggs or oysters! ahhaha! now, she just buys them. and sincerely, their nothing compared to my moms. i guess thats why i miss the times when she was just a housewife and not a businesswoman. hmm. because of her cooking and her way of making the house feel at clean, lovely and homey. hmm.

now that i have nearly ten days of freedom. i'm going to split it into a few ways. One, study. Two, sleep. Three, run with my dog. Four, go out with friends. Five, study. Six, help mom. Fair enough? hahah.

i think whats most important is that i start sharing more and more of my life with HIM. i think i've been neglecting Him alot. Not praying. Not reading the bible. The only time i do spend time with him is when i go to Youth. and thats only abt three hours. Three hours in one week? thats less than my studying. crap. so now. I'm going to start spending at least half and hour with Him. reading the bible. doing ODJ. praying. i think its going to help me in life and spiritually? right?

hmm. desperate times call for desperate measures. hehe.

you think i dont know.
how wrong could you be,
joyce

its going to be over soon!!!!!!!!!

freedom is near!!!! i can smell it!!!!!!!!! but............. its not here yet.......
i know. lame. but its true!!!!!!!!!! its soooooo near yet sooooooooooo far.

the saying goes: time is slow for those who wait.

how true is that saying.

exams are nearly over. nearly. i finished my science, malay, english and history already. and my moral and my health test. i hope i do well. cause if i dont. the unthinkable happens. thats dangerous to even give it a thought.

i wanna go shopping!!!!!! hahahahahah!!!

anyway, my sister mandy is back! she's oh so famous in allsaints! hahahah! its not a surprise though! hahaha! she's is after all pretty, sweet and smart!

my sister coming back can only mean one thang and one thang only!!!!! we get to go for a holiday!!!!!!!! right after the last paper on friday, i get to run away to karambunai resort for a fun weekend! just girls! hahahaha!

i miss having those days with nothing to do! i want them back!!!!!!!!!!

i'm fighting with a supergirl for the ultimate guy. just my luck i guess.

haha. sob.
joyce

hooked on you.

haha. i know i havent blogged much these past few weeks. its cause the pmr toll has already started. the wheels have started turning. truth is I'M NOT READY DAMMNIT!!!!!!

exams start 4th to 8th may! and i'm still here using the comp. sigh. i know i shudnt but i cant help myself.

referring to the title above. hooked on you. there are several things i could mean. like the new laptop my dad got but he aint using yet. my new jeans. the tv. the comp. my phone. a guy.

yes. i said it. a guy. i'm hooked. but no. he aint my bf.

i know its silly to say i'm hooked onto him yet i know i'll never have him.

i mean. imagine this.

the guy. sweet,thoughtful, charming, smart and athletic.

me? ........ have no idea how to describe my self in comparison of him.

but yeah i know pathetic.

anyways, i miss having so much time to laze around and do nothing. now my schedules jammed packed with studying and extra curricular activities. its insane. this time last year. things were so slow moving. i was so bored. now. i'm everything else but bored.

hhahaaha. havent had time to spend with my friends though. like going out with mich, camy, lia. and going to the movies with yiing, samuel, xiao wei, davina, ong and bryan. sigh.

monday i have math tuition. tuesday i got science tuition. wednesday is study day. thursday is rest. friday is rest. saturday, wake up go dancing (yes i know. laugh. go ahead! LOL), afternoon i have malay tuition. then night i go to church youth. which is how i like my saturdays. productive yet not tiring. hahahah!

sundays are mostly used up by studying and doing my chores. hehe.

thats my week. haha. oh and i like walking the dog now that i have a friend to walk with. Edrea's his name. he has a dalmatian about three times the size of my dog yet when my dog went just a lil too close to his dalmatian named mike, the dog jumped into edrea's arms. i was like oh dear. i'm so sorry. hahahaha! his dog is really cute though. haha. has a weird yet funny expression. hahaha!

anyway, that about sums up my past few weeks!

oh! i went to bakat and had THE time of my life!!!! so sure i wanna go next year! it was awesome! we got third which is not bad at all!!!!!!

ahah. mandy's coming back to kk!!! yay! so happy!!

just my flow,
joyce

if you could read my thoughts or feel my pain.

to those you already know. stop reading. go away. to those that don't know. i beg of you. read and then don't give it a second thought.

i chose to like you. choosing the wrong button.
i pressed to see what i could get.
red light appeared.
shit! i failed once again.
i turned to walk away.
but my feet would me bring no further.
my thoughts scrambled for plan B
only to be shocked at my plea
there was no escape plan for me
only the cliff and the sea
but once again i reeled my soul in
i could not believe my eyes
i read and read and read again
but the words wouldn't apply
my brain felt numb
i felt like crap
and then i understood
what they meant
by feeling nothing
and how it felt
to feel like you're floating on such a thin air
and yet feel like you're body's not even there
how could i be so naive?
how could i put up such false hopes?
how could i believe all that i see?
and believe that's all i need.
but now, i know the truth.
you already have what you need.
me on the other hand.
i'm left hanging.
but i believe i'll stand again.
on my feet. and not on my knees.
i just need time.
to take it in.
this probably sounds cliche.
but its happening.
probably not you.
but it is to me.
sorry i'm probably wasting your time.
i know whats it like to have someone say no.
dont tell me i dont know. what do you know?
don't call me a b**ch. i'll show you one.
don't call me cold. i'll give you snow.
don't tell me what to do. i'll do it wrong.
cause what i wanna do is what you hate to be involved with.

just some thoughts and stuff i had to get off my chest.
joyce

sometimes....its all a lie.

ever feel like someone you thought you knew was suddenly different from your description?

have you ever felt that liking someone is just a mistake you could afford to make but wasn't worth making?

have you ever felt like you were such a failure at times of loss?

have you ever been put down by a family member or a close friend in times of sadness?

have you ever been insulted by a group of people you thought were your friends?

have you ever been sick with disgust when you find out the people you trust were just liars in disguise?

have you ever wanted something so badly yet could never really achieve?

have you ever wanted attention so badly you would rebel in order to attain some?

have you ever wondered what it'd be like for your crush to like you back even though you know subconsciously it isn't going to happen?

Have you ever liked someone for so long yet done nothing about it because you think you don't have the chops?

have you ever been rejected by another based on your looks alone?

the lies. the truth. the scandal. the rage. the wrath. and the calm after the storm.

for what we don't know in, we should not meddle in.

but what i do know is. i like you. but there's nothing i can make you do to like me.

just saying things to express my feelings in the leas violent way.
joyce

i got my self in, i get my self out

you know those cliche love story of how this girl falls for the super popular guy and just happens that the girl is best friends with the hottest girl? and then the plot is hot girl and hot guy date and plain girl watches and stands all alone and then one day or rather slowly the hot guy starts to like plain girl and then hot girl turns into a total bitch and then in the end the hot girl and plain girl are good friends again and the guy becomes the plain girl's boyfriend and happily ever after.

but the sad thing is. that isn't just some made up story. things like that do actually happen nowadays. and its kinda sad.

i guess in a way. it is partially personally true to me. sadly, all my girl friends are pretty and cool and well, i kinda am the brains and the jock within the circle. all the guys are my friends but they never are interested in me. always the other girls. i'm not sad or angry or whatever. but a guy once in a while being just a plain old flirt is nice. LOL.

i got into the debate team. the topic was Is Science a Threat to Humanity?

I was on the governments team. with akmal, marco, and izzat. versus the opposition team. Tanya, Eloise, Fairuz and Gina. i was like crap. i'm on a team with three guys and i'm against four girls. the truth was. i wanted to be with the other girls. but i couldnt change positions so i stuck to it. and then because i'm closer to marco than akmal or izzat. rumors fly like crazy that i'm with marco! LIKE WTH?!?!?!?!

wwhere did that come from? like hello?

but i wanna be the better person so i'm letting this slip. i dont wanna pick a fight. i dont wanna fight. so i'm holding my peace.

rEVOLution party is here. lotsa people going. so i feel like not going but then if i dont go , i might miss the chance of seeing him and pleasing and praising the man upstairs. sigh. what should i do?

anyways, i got all my projects started already. home economics, history ang geography. i hope i excel in them.

OH SPEAKING OF EXCELLING!!!! I GOT A'S FOR NEARLY ALL MY SUBJECTS!!!!!!!!!

its my exams. hehe. i'm so proud of me self. hehehehe.

loving yourself and those you want,
joyce

temporary freedom..... heehehheheeh....

Friday the Sixth.

My mom went to singapore. hahahahahahah!!!!
She wanted a break from all things connected to her work and house life. haha.
She wanted to shop and see her sister. thank god for airasia!

and my mom is so silly! international flights need two hours check in! everyone knows that!

my mom's flight was at 1830 but by four fifty pm we were still in the house! i was like: MOM YOU"RE GONNA MISS YOUR FLIGHT!!!!!!!! and she replied: my flights at six thirty la!

still got one hour and a half! my sister and I stood in awe and shock! she didnt have a clue did she? oh dear. boy, did we scramble? oh yes we did.

my sister drove and sped like crazy on the road, but half way there, my dad who was going to kl said: wait, where's my passport?

so then we dropped my mom at the airport and my dad insisted he drive cause he couldn't take my sister's SLOW driving.

earlier, i said my sister was driving like a crazy person. i take that back. crazy driving is my dad's title.

say" you're on the outer right lane but you need to get into the outer left lane, and thats about three or four lanes away with a lil divider about 20 metres away. would you cross over? would you go over the divider? go against the flow?

that's exactly what my dad did. he crossed over. my sister was freaking out silently and motionlessly in the car. but i know my sister well. she can't take these kinda things. but then again i've never been a driver so i wouldn't know all the skill and practice stuff. haha!

from my dad's driving, he cuts and drifts like mad when he's pissed. i think it would be safe to say you wouldn't want to meet my dad when he's pissed on the road! hahahahaha!

So after we sent our parents off at the airport, me and ce wanted to calm our senses down from all the speeding and adrenaline running through our veins. We went to the yacht club for a drink. Let me tell you this. I love the beach. the sea. the sand. the wind. the waves. but the utmost important role in the scene, the sun and its powerful waves of sunlight! how it makes the water shimmer. the clouds look like they glow and the immerse feeling of liveliness! I couldn't stop taking pictures. And so did a few other old men. ahaha! this old man had a D-SLR camera. and he looked like my dad in a way. how he angled the camera. took a million shots per angle so he could get this perfect shot. me and ce discussed that. I dont mind doing that. taking the shot over and over again just for the nicest one. but char isn't like that she just wants that one perfect shot and if she cant get it in one shot she'll just prefer to look at the view and keep the view in memory.

we also dicussed alot of family stuff there. clothes. friends. outings. its funny how silence makes you spill your innermost thoughts and feelings out in the open. haha!

On saturday, i was supposed to go for karate but i decided not to. since getting up was a factor and getting there was a problem haha! i went for malay tuition and came back to read what i wrote and done just as revision. I like the tuition. its helpful and he keeps us in on a roll. no stops just going on with a pace. not a minute goes to waste. I then went for church youth. sadly, my eyecandy wasn't there to greet me with a smile like the usual. he had to stay home and study. dang. haha. i told michelle bout this. she had a migrain immediately but i assured her that wasnt the reason i was going to church. more like, i wanted to learn more about Him and just wanted a moral assurance.

thats about it. I'm going out with michelle and wen yiing later. for some shopping and a movie! Marley and ME!!!!! hahaha.

sometimes it isnt everything,
joyce

the enticement excites me but it shall tempt me no further....

I haven't used the comp in two weeks! ahhahahah!

now i know what its like to be so uber busy and then just falling asleep only to be woken up for tuition! hhahahahah!

using the comp daily has to stop and change to a weekly thing.

so my dear friends,

it'll be a once a week thing. i'll be on for two hours and then i'm off to hit the books! haha!

i realized something really in my life. i fall for guys that will never fall for me. and they always become my best friend or good friend and then it'll never be.

its like those stupid cliche plots for a movie. crap. i live like some soap opera. oh dear. hahahahahahahhahahahahaha.

currently, relating my life to the song Fifteen by Taylor Swift. its good. i like her. hahahah!

gtg study now! Exams are all over the place and eating me alive!

crazy for books and boys,
joyce