confessions... thoughts... figured it out....

you know how when you finish a paper and there's so long till the exam time is up and you're just sitting there either checking your answers, dreaming or doodling or just going through your thoughts and recent issues?

yeah that was today for me. i had my english and accounts. and because of english i had another 45 minutes to spare. i was thinking and dreaming and doodling.

when it just hit me, what have i done? instead of that someone playing with my feelings, i was playing with his. i didnt like this guy at all. i liked him just as a friend. and yet when it came to that point i just assumed that i liked him. i just admitted i liked him when actually he's nothing to me but a friend. nothing more nothing less. and yet i flirted with him and played with his feelings just as some other guy had done to me before.

after that thought, i had so much i wanted to say. yet thinking of me telling him all i wanted to say gave me shudders that i might hurt him.

and thinking back at the thoughts of actually dating this guy made me laugh, and you know when you laugh in the exam, heads will turn and the teacher will glare, yeah that happened. this guy and me yeah compatible you might say but other than some friends and currents issues and music we have nothing else in common. haha. he likes me alot. i dont like him. i feel kinda sad about telling him.

and the worst part, am gonna see him in a day or so. craperamas eh? i know.

should i or should i not? can i or can't i ? to be or not to be? i think i've made my choice. i shouldn't. i can't. and it will not be. even if i tried.

oh dear Lord save my soul,
joyce